I have struggled and struggled recently with the ability to fully trust God. I never truly realized the extent to which I wrestled with Him over even the simplest of things. “Amy. I will protect the boys. Trust me.”

I hear that and immediately begin to think, “Yeah but God you don’t know how they are. I mean, one minute they are reading classic literature and the next they are trying to do a “kick flip” and a “lolly” on a skateboard. I don’ t know about you God but I don’t even know what a “lolly” is but it just doesn’t sound good! I mean…”

“Amy,” He says, “Trust me.”

As I’m thinking this my son runs in to tell me he just did an “ollie” but that he won’t try it again for a while because he almost hurt himself but he was quick to tell me, “I didn’t though ’cause God loves me and takes care of me, huh mom?’

“And a little child shall lead.” eh? All I could do is throw up my hands and say, “Okay God. You have my attention.”

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” Matthew 17:20

As I meditated over scripture and asked for revelation of what God wanted to show me I began to pace the floor and pray. Then I heard Him tell me to sit down.

“What? You want me to sit down, God? Ooookaaaaay.”

So I sat down in the nearest chair and started to initiate a dialogue between God and I about why He had a need for me to sit down in the chair and that is when He dropped it into my spirit.

I had more faith in the chair’s ability to sustain me than I did in God’s ability to sustain me. I never questioned whether or not the chair would hold me, or if it had a flaw in it somewhere, or whether or not it had secure footing. I certainly didn’t question whether or not it loved me enough to hold me up. I just sat. I simply trusted. I didn’t walk around and test all of the chairs to see which was the strongest or which seemed better for the job. I had more faith in a random inanimate object than I did in my loving and eternal, living God. How big is that mustard seed?

God also showed me that another root of not trusting or having no faith is pride. Pride in my ability to make what I perceive to be better decisions than God, faster response time than God, and more love for my children than God. Yes, I truly thought, and said it often, nobody loves them like I do. I didn’t mean to include God in this but obviously in my heart I had.

I wish I could tell you that I immediately repented but I didn’t. In fact, this happened a couple of years ago and I just recalled it recently while I was once again struggling with my ability to trust Him. I repented. I am moving forward. And now just to make Him laugh I shake and push on my chairs almost every time before I sit in them. *BIG smile* He loves me!

“You shall have no other gods before me.” Deuteronomy 5:7

You see, the funny part about my chair shaking escapades is that I knew clearly that I didn’t worship a chair or put more trust in it than in God. What I had begun to realize was that my faith was in me. My trust was in me. I knew the chair would hold me because I had sat in it before. I trusted me and that is why I now had a problem trusting God. The false God? It was myself.

{now weeping and face down on the carpet}

God, forgive me for putting more faith and trust in myself than in you. You are my father, my creator, the love of my life. Forgive me for thinking that I am the only one who had my best interests at heart. I will wholeheartedly try to die to self each and every day and grow in you. Please help me to do that. Thank you for being such an awesome and loving example. In Jesus’ name. Amen.