So Ladies,
Lots of us are bloggers, right?
[If you aren't, could I give you a peek into a frequent blogger-struggle?]
But first, some background:
I began blogging "seriously" in August, 2012.
I had blogged inconsistently for years. But midway through 2012, I felt God asking me to step into more intentionally sharing what He'd put inside me. To stop being silenced by insecurity.
So I overhauled my blog. Determined my mission, vision, etc. Began purposefully writing within those things.
As I've grown in my ability to confidently write my heart, insecurity has once again reared its head, but in a new form.
Here's where I'm gonna be gut-level-honest, friends:
I can be in a great place with God. Confident in Him. And with a secure, healthy perspective, write a blog post.
Reread it. Edit it.
So far, so good.
Here's where my problem lies: in the doggone "Publish" button.
Ugh.
I complete my post. Click that stinkin’ button. Share my writing with the world.
And THEN?
My goodness.
I'm suddenly not-so-secure.
My ultra-balanced, Jesus-focused perspective goes haywire. I find myself checking for comments every free minute. [And it's a darn good thing I haven't fully figured out Google Analytics - lemme-just-tell-ya.]
I easily lose sight of the truth that my identity comes from my Father, grasping to find it in people's approval.
This doesn't always happen, but when it does? Man- the battle is fierce! Can anyone relate?
When I struggle to keep my head above the murky water of people's opinions, this is the root question lurking in my heart: Is my ability to write what I know of God's heart good enough to impact people?
More succinctly: Am I good enough?
And I'm definitely still in process, but I'm learning the answer.
Ready?
It's NO.
I'm not.
I'm not a good enough writer. I can't wrangle words, piece thoughts together in just the right way to elicit heart responses.
Discouraging, eh?
But read on, friend- because it's the most freeing revelation:
It's not our job.
We don't have to "elicit" heart-responses in our readers, manipulate them into encountering God's heart through our writing. [Yikes! Did I really say the "M" word? Wince!]
It's the Holy Spirit's job to encounter hearts, and His alone.
Relieved sigh. [Literally. Even as I write.]
This might seem obvious to you. But with every. single. publish-button-click, I'm learning to rehearse these truths.
And they’re beginning to sink in, bringing slow-but-steady change to my heart:
1. It's His job, not mine, to draw, touch and heal hearts.
2. My value lies in this: that God considers me worth the blood of His Son. I'm not defined by the number of people who experience Jesus through my writing.
3. God will accomplish His purpose for my writing. My job? To write in obedience to Him, trust Him with each post, and let. it. go.
Remembering these things each time I click "Publish" helps me stop desperately trying to control who sees a post and who doesn't. Whether it's shared 5 times or 5,000. Whether I receive 2 comments or 200.
I find myself more secure nowadays. Still a work in progress, but more equipped to handle the battle that still often ensues after clicking "Publish."
I’m more rooted in my identity in Jesus. More prepared to boldly share my heart with whatever audience He brings, trust Him with each post, and let go of control.
So - how ‘bout you? How do you handle feelings of insecurity related to your writing? What about other gifts or callings? Confessing our struggles defuses the power of shame. I’d love to hear your heart, friend.
Blessings,
Dana
Dana Butler is thrilled to be wife to her husband Stan, and Mommy to 2 extravagantly-enjoyed little people (one adopted, one bio). She is also a worship leader, writer, and relentless authenticity-pursuer. Dana’s core passion is to see trust barriers broken down in the human heart toward the heart of God.
Today’s post parallels her recent series, What I’ve Learned in 1 Year of {serious} Blogging. Dana invites you to connect with her on her blog, Moments and Invitations, and on Facebook.
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