Have you ever asked yourself, “how can I be a better mom”?
There is a movement among women today. Moms everywhere are opening up, being real, and sharing about the sanctifying side of motherhood. The side of motherhood where our sinful nature is revealed and where by we are humbled and brought to a new realization of how unworthy we are of God’s grace, yet how overwhelmingly grateful we are for it at the same time.
None of us are immune from being tempted by the enemy’s lies about who we are. And sadly, many women feel like a failure. I’ve been there before. In those moments where I have compared myself to what I think other mothers are doing, what they are like as a mom, and I begin to think, if only I_______.
We can be our hardest critics, can’t we?
And it isn’t always the enemy’s lies, or even comparing ourselves to others that does it. I think that when we are honestly introspective, we see our sin, our mistakes, and ________, we do see room for improvement, room for growth.
Over the years I have learned a lot from my husband. I have observed him as a leader, both in our marriage, our family, and in his place of work. He doesn’t even realize this, but one of the ways he has consistently challenged me over the years is by his example of humble leadership. His humility is the one thing that stands out more to me than any other. How does he show it? By asking seven powerful words.
How can I be a better husband?
He has asked me this numerous times throughout our marriage. I have witnessed him ask his employees and co-workers how he can be a better leader. And he has asked our children many times how he can be a better dad.
I have never witnessed anyone else ask this question, let alone with such sincerity of heart. When he asks, he is opening himself up for criticism, scrutiny, judgements, and conflict. How many of us would willingly want to listen to that? Isaac usually asks this question in the midst of a hard season or when a relationship is just not working. Why? Because he wants to take responsibility for his part and do what he can to proactively change.
Have you ever had anyone ask you how they can be a better _______?
Have you ever asked your husband, your mom, your friends, or your children how you can be better?
It’s a scary question unless you are ready to hear what others have to say. It takes true humility. But just asking the question actually grows humility in you as well. Because as you hear the answers, you can’t help but be humbled and challenged to grow.
Humility isn’t something you can earn, or work at. It is a character quality that is developed in a person who has a realistic view of their humanity, and understands that they have not arrived.
Do you feel like you are just missing the mark with one of your kids, like something isn’t jiving? Maybe you should try asking your kids how you can be a better mom {or grandma}.
Do you want to have the kind of relationships that are willing to grow and be challenged? Do you want to be a better mom?
How do you think it could change your marriage if you asked your husband,
How can I be a better wife?
It starts with you. And like my husband and I, it may take 15 years before it really becomes a habit of the other individual, but once it does, the intimacy is worth it.
At first, asking these powerful seven words was the hardest exercise for me to add into my life. How can I be a better mom? Until I realized that the question is not all about me. This simple question reveals so many things. Of course it can reveal areas of sin you may have been blind to seeing yourself, but it also reveals what your husband and children yearn for in their relationship with you. It reveals their expectations, both unrealistic and realistic expectations, which offers the opportunity for deep conversation about going to God for only what He can give.
Our human nature is to automatically think everyone is like we are, even though we know cognitively that isn't true. We still struggle to treat others the way we want to be treated, to love and value others in the ways that make us feel most loved and valued. Asking questions like this help us to value and love others in a unique way that speaks intimacy and appreciation like no other.
So while this question may seem hard to ask at first, I had to recognize the importance of choosing to undergo humility training and follow the path that leads to making my children feel most valued and loved by inviting them to speak their needs, wants, and desires about our relationship.
But the fruit that has grown in my relationships with my kids and my husband because I was willing to ask has made it worth it.
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