Parenting advice can come from some surprising sources. It's not always the book, blog, or podcast that teaches us the most valuable knowledge. Dive into these six parenting lessons learned from writing fictional novels!

Six of the most important things I’ve learned about being a mom didn’t come from reading parenting books. They weren’t gleaned from a podcast, article, or blog post, either. To my surprise, the lightbulb went off a few weeks ago, after nearly two years of writing fiction.

Writing a novel seems like an odd setting for parenting epiphanies, doesn’t it? As it turns out, some of the most crucial benchmarks of good fiction are completely applicable to motherhood. Let’s dive in and I’ll show you what I mean.

Every character serves a purpose:
In fiction, every major character needs to serve a purpose. Superfluous characters just take up space and detract from the heart of the story. Our jobs as moms are to instill in our children a sense of purpose. To teach them they are not superfluous. To cement in their heads that they were created by God, and therefore have an infinitely valuable role to play. They matter to the Author of their lives and the story of this world would not be the same without them.
Characters need to be multidimensional:
Well-rounded characters have a unique personality, an emotional side, a physical side, and a spiritual side. The author’s job is to develop all aspects of a character. Moms, we need to make sure we understand our kids’ unique makeups and what each child needs on each of these levels. Just as every character is different and reacts to situations differently, so do our individual kids. Nurturing our kids on all levels, according to their needs, is crucial.
The characters we love are the characters who serve others:
Who are your favorite fictional characters? The ones who steal our hearts and live on in our memories after the last page is turned are the ones who love well, and who sacrifice themselves for the benefit of others. Katniss Everdeen, volunteering to compete in The Hunger Games to save her little sister comes to mind. You, mom, get to be that character in your kid’s story. Most often, our sacrifices go unnoticed. But you will notice the fruit of your sacrifice when your habits trickle down and take root in the character of your kids, and they begin to serve others.
Characters need an arc:
A character arc is a change we see in a character from beginning to end. For example, a timid character learns to stand up for himself. A prideful character learns humility. Learning to look at our kids as characters in need of an arc helps define our roles as moms. By the time your kids are 18, what do you want them to know? What traits do you want them to have? Create a road map: how can you get from here to there in the time you have left?
Characters change through difficult circumstances:
In good fiction, characters do not simply decide to do the right thing. Positive change does not happen out of the blue. The fiction that grips us is the story of struggle, difficulty, and uncomfortable circumstances that influence a character’s behavior. In The Plans We Made, it’s a terrifying diagnosis that pushes Linda to finally reveal a 30-year-old secret to her family. It’s utter loneliness and isolation that pushes Caroline to reach out and connect with people from her past. As much as we want to shield our kids from anything that hurts or challenges them, we have to maintain the perspective that what God allows, he uses to prune and sanctify. Perhaps that difficult circumstance your kid is going through right now is influencing her character arc for the better. While we can’t always protect our kids from difficult circumstances, we can always encourage growth through them.
Perfect characters are not relatable or likable:
Good characters are those who relate to others through vulnerable and shared imperfection. While it is our role to encourage positive change and growth, we are not called to raise perfect humans. Take a moment to reexamine the standards you put on your kids or even the standards you hold yourself to. Let’s aim to raise kids who are gracious toward their own imperfections and the imperfections of others, and who cling to the perfection of Christ.