How a Mom Can Be More Present and Let Go of Guilt
It’s common to come to the end of a year and believe we haven’t accomplished any of the things we really wanted to. Sometimes we make these amazing goals and we get stuck on wanting the end result so we don’t move forward in the steps necessary to get there.
As moms, we always want the best for our children and often that means working on ourselves to be the best mom we can be. More patient. More present. More personable. All the things.
It’s easy to look at the big picture and stay fixated there. When we try jumping in headfirst to tackle that goal of being more present, we realize we’ve just jumped into shallow water and hit our heads. What does that look like in real life?
As a mom who works from home, I’m often plagued with the guilt of not being present enough for my teens—and I have six of them, plus a tween. So one day, I will decide I’m just going to jump right to the end of an unrealistic goal I want to reach and be present with everyone all the time! And I crash every single time.
Don’t Rush Into It
That’s not a pace I can realistically keep up with nor is it one I’ve adjusted my life to in order to make it happen. So something — or many things— end up neglected. Life still has to go on. So rather than going from one extreme to the next in one fell swoop, I must start with baby steps.
Start with listening to your child fully when they are talking to you. Don’t look at your phone and half listen. Focus fully on your child in those moments.
I realize not all situations will allow for that type of focus—especially if you have many children or if you have a child (or two) who process best through talking. Talking while cooking is still a great way to connect and be present with your children. Not making eye contact being constantly distracted isn’t the best way. The goal here isn’t to be perfect every time. The goal is to be more present more often.
Don’t Make It All-or-Nothing
I tend to be an “all-or-nothing” type of person which can be a real hindrance toward making any kind of progress. So my self-talk is very important. If I talk negatively and say what a bad mom I am for not being better, then it just beats down my spirit and I believe it.
But, if I tell myself, “Today I’m going to pick my phone up less so I can listen better”, it gives me something specific to do without being so absolute about it I end up feeling like a failure if I mess up.
Guilt has no place in our lives. It doesn’t move us forward. It only keeps us stuck.
We must change our perspective from being “all-or-nothing” to just being 1% better than yesterday. We can only do this by remaining connected to the Spirit to guide and strengthen us. Some days we will make more progress than others. Some days we may not hit our goal of presence at all. That doesn’t mean we’ve failed. It just means we continue again the next day.
This 1% principle can be applied to any area you want to improve in as a mom—or in your life!
Those small steps add up to amazing accomplishments and relationships. Don’t underestimate the power of smallness and the greatness it can achieve.
Love,
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