All in Fear to Freedom

I used to get frightened on those nights when my husband traveled.

For the first 13 years of our marriage he traveled off and on. Some months were worse than others. I remember one particular October he was gone 18 days that month alone. May was the worst month of all. I always dreaded May, the month he was on the road visiting all offices throughout the Pacific NW. There were barely enough days in the month for him to visit them all, so often times travels rolled over into June.

I was scared he would get in a car accident, a plane crash, or worse.

I would lie in bed at night and hear weird noises downstairs, outside on the property, and even down the hall.

I remember putting on a movie to try and distract myself, but all it really did was cause me to worry more.

What I Have Learned Living With Chronic Anxiety

Honestly, I have been living with anxiety nearly all my life. But it wasn’t until seven years ago that a doctor finally looked me in the eye and said, “You have an anxiety disorder.”

It comes and it goes. Sometimes I will drift through life for months happily, and I feel totally normal. 

Then out of nowhere, it will come back. I have often said I would rather deal with almost anything than anxiety. It is dark, lonely, and crippling.