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The topic of anxiety and worry is a fresh one for me. I both feel like I have something to offer on the topic, yet not because I still don't have a solid solution for handling my own worry.
But I have definitely learned a lot about how to cope with it.
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Honestly, I have been living with anxiety nearly all my life. But it wasn’t until seven years ago that a doctor finally looked me in the eye and said, “You have an anxiety disorder.”
It comes and it goes. Sometimes I will drift through life for months happily, and I feel totally normal.
Then out of nowhere, it will come back. I have often said I would rather deal with almost anything than anxiety. It is dark, lonely, and crippling.
This past Thanksgiving our oldest child had a strange episode of double vision and dizziness. At first we weren't too concerned. But after it happened three more times at school, I gave in and googled the symptoms. And the worry started to creep in.
Christmas stuff was piled everywhere. After making cheesy eggs and cinnamon rolls, and serving my brood a feast, all of my children were sprawled out on couches, talking, reading, looking at their phones, while I busily packed up Christmas treasures into boxes--by myself1
Suddenly, and I don't know where it came from, I sort of burst.
I have always been a young mom.
Young in age and young at heart.
When I would plan birthday parties for my oldest child, I would plan them at a place where I could have fun too. As a young twenty-something mother, my bones and my back would still allow me to climb to the top of the play area and slide down with my preschooler in my lap.
Later, I was overjoyed when I discovered that my elementary-aged daughter could drink hot chocolate while I sipped coffee and together we poured over magazines in the Barnes and Noble Café.
When she graduated from the sixth grade and I served as a parent chaperone for the evening, I had a good time right along with her when she hit the dance floor. I thought the kids were laughing with me but maybe in retrospect they were laughing at me.
Young in age and young at heart, I prided myself on being the fun mom.
That was then.
This is now.
