Encouragement for Moms in a Hurting Marriage

For the married women reading, I imagine your wedding day felt special.

A day when you experienced belonging and connection, love and care. God’s ever so brilliant idea of two becoming one!

Then as all healthy marriages do, yours hit some bumps.

Some were weathered easily…and others maybe not so much.  

Today I share about those harder marriage seasons. Times when it’s taken difficult and maybe even exhausting relational effort to move forward. Moms, if this is you today, I offer encouragement. 

This is not an exhaustive list of course, just thoughts from a mom who can relate:

Give Yourself Permission

I once heard author Brené Brown speak of offering ourselves permission slips. Literally writing down what we need in this life season. 

What do you need right now? 

Maybe it’s permission to cry, to name the hurt, to do less, to say NO. Maybe you need to know it’s okay to seek help from a doctor or therapist. Name what might be helpful in this season. Offer yourself generous permission to meet those needs.

Grieve Your Loss

When we face incredibly difficult situations there is often some accompanying loss. Something we missed out on in the process. It could be loss of connection and communication as issues are worked out, or a number of other things.

Taking a moment to journal or share the missed pieces can open us to God’s work within. He will meet us in our honesty and offer hope!

Talk It Out

Looking back, I would change the decision to keep so quiet in tougher marital seasons. Ah, hindsight. I took pressures of being a pastor’s wife and the need for privacy just a little too far. Actually, a lot too far.

Mix in a dose of poor counseling advice and others' expectations of my silence...well, none of this helped much.

While I disagree with sharing detail upon detail with person after person, I recognize now the importance of trusted friends. I hope you have at least one person to share openly about where you find yourself right now. 

Take the risk (and yes it’s certainly a risk) and allow another to share the burden with you.

Shield Your Children

I feel fairly passionate about this, so I’ll say it plainly… 

…it is not our children’s job (regardless of their ages) to support us, keep us emotionally healthy or to shoulder our marital concerns.

Allow your children gracious space to simply be kids. This is their work. Relate to them as a mom, not as a wounded wife. Shield them as much as you are able.

Remember God’s Faithfulness

God’s joy in our life can feel dim in tough circumstances. In those times, we need reminders of his goodness towards us.

Actively recall God’s steadiness in your life — how he’s demonstrated himself to be your provider, protector and friend. 

If it feels overwhelming in the present, try remembering his care for you in the past. God desires to be your refuge and strength right where you are.

Daniele

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[Hopefully this post encouraged today. Just a note there is significant difference between a hurting marriage and a harmful one. I encourage seeking help to discern the difference if you have questions.]

Also, check out For Better or For Kids by Patrick and Ruth Schwenk.