Feb 24

Feb 24 Let’s be the Friend we so Desperately Need

The screaming ball of lungs I rocked in my arms set a stark contrast in my mind of where — if you’d asked me two years prior — I thought I’d be sitting.

Instead of a brightly lit corner office with a big leather chair and an expensive power suit, I was sitting in the corner of a dark nursery with a creaky rocking chair and a t-shirt soaked in spit-up.

This baby who surprised my husband and I with her arrival over ten years ago, also startled me with a completely new outlook on life. I wasn’t just surprised by the overwhelming emotions of love I had for this tiny human or the energy it took to keep her alive, but I was surprised by how suddenly isolated I was from other people.

I was surprised by my loneliness.

I had children well before originally planned and well before most everyone I knew within my circle of friends had children too. My husband and I caulked the wagon and forged the river of parenthood alone, without being tied to a community of other parents.

Have you been there? Have you been through a time that was pretty lonely? Are you there now?

Maybe you are physically isolated. Or maybe you’re surrounded by people, but they didn’t really seem to “get” you.

Maybe life has simply become too busy to spend time with friends. Text messaging or Facebook is our way of staying in touch, with maybe a phone call here or there.

As for me, at the time I didn’t think my loneliness and aloneness was my fault.

No, it wasn’t my fault nobody else in our circle had children. And no, it wasn’t my fault motherhood wore me down and kept me busy.

But looking back, I can see it was my fault I stayed isolated for so long.

It was partly my fault that some of my friends and I drifted apart. It was my fault that I didn’t become the friend to others that I so desperately needed myself.

I did learn the lesson eventually — that not all types of friends will be the ones we need, and I needed to become that friend for others.

Because to have a friend, we have to be a friend.

We must make time for friends, invite them into our lives, and spend quality - face-to-face - time with them. Even when — no, especially when — life is busy. I learned that intentionally nurturing relationships that aren't as convenient or comfortable as they used to be is always worth it.

We need our friends … but not just any type of friend.

Scripture shows us the friends we need … Christ-following friends.

We need friends who have faith in God and are willing to go to bat for us in both the practical/physical and the spiritual sense.

Because that’s ultimately what we need.

That’s what I needed in that lonely season of my life. People to point me back to Christ and encourage me to sit before Him in the midst of all those emotions, busyness, and regular daily life. Point me back to the One who could remove the loneliness.

Luke chapter five is where four men brought their paralyzed friend to Jesus in order to be healed.

18 And behold, some men were bringing on a bed a man who was paralyzed, and they were seeking to bring him in and lay him before Jesus, 19 but finding no way to bring him in, because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and let him down with his bed through the tiles into the midst before Jesus. 20 And when he saw their faith, he said, “Man, your sins are forgiven you.” ….

Yes, befriending unbelievers is holy and biblical, however, while we minister to others outside of our faith, we need to stay connected to those who are also connected to God, just like in Luke.

These faithful friends bore the weight of this man and his ailment.

**Ultimately, our faithful friends fuse us to our forgiving God.**

Have you ever had a friend bear the weight of your ailment?

Have you had a friend help out with something knowing it could change everything for you?

Have ever had a friend seek your best interest out, even when you didn’t want them to?

Have you been that friend? The one who helped a friend find Jesus when they asked?

Or the one who took them screaming and kicking to a bible study?

**We need to both have these friends and be these friends of faith.**

The time to seek Jesus is in the middle of life, the middle of the mess, just like these men laid their friend down through the tiles in the midst before Jesus.

Don’t miss this part. Those friends in Luke 5, they did everything - everything - they could to connect Him to Jesus. They even removed parts of someone’s roof to do it.

So let’s be intentional in carving out time - real life time, not online or phone time - and meet face to face with our people. This is the hard part, and sometimes the awkward part.

It will stay hard, but won’t stay awkward, because God might just look at our friends’ faith and bless our faith (or lack of it), just like these men.

We need friends of faith to carry us to Jesus, and they need us to do the same for them.