How to Let Go of Unrealistic Mom Expectations

On my social media channels, I threw out this question: What unrealistic expectations do you have of yourself as a mom? Within minutes the responses started rolling in.  

“Working moms should also be flawless homemakers.”

“I have to correct the mistakes my parents made raising me."

“It’s selfish if I make time to take care of myself.”

“My home always has to be clean.”

“Good moms are happy all the time."

“I don’t look presentable unless I do my hair and makeup every day."

With each comment that I read, I recognized thought patterns the were well worn in my mind. And I heard the cry for relief from weary moms who knew that these standards were impossible to keep but felt crushed beneath them all the same. It’s clear, as moms, we need an answer. I believe we can find that answer in scripture.

Motherhood isn’t Exempt from Scripture

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  Romans 12:2

Many of us recognize the truth that our lives will either be shaped by the culture around us or they will be transformed and renewed by God. Motherhood isn’t exempt from this truth!

There are culturally good things that don’t deserve a permanent place in our lives. We don’t have to let them be a prominent voice in our days or a source of guilt when we lay our head on our pillow at night. As Christians, we have a way out. 

Decide Whether the Thought Stays or Goes

When you realize an unrealistic expectation is hovering in your thoughts use this verse to help you decide whether the thought stays or goes by asking: Is this expectation a pattern that is culturally driven or one that scripture upholds? 

A lot of our cultural values are good but not all of them are necessary. In our over-busy, break-neck paced lives scripture helps us put first things first and enables us to let go of everything else.

If the expectation we’re struggling with is scriptural, we can be sure that God’s divine power gives us everything we need to live a godly life (2 Peter 1:3) and even if we feel behind the curve, God will continue his work in us until it finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns (Philippians 1:6). If it’s cultural, we can allow it to be transformed as we renew our minds with scripture. 

Biblical Standards are Different

As we strip off the unrealistic cultural expectations, we can’t become women who aren’t accountable to any standards at all. But biblical standards are different in every way from worldly standards. They’re different because they’re born out of a relationship with God not comparison with others. They’re different because we meet them by the power of God uplifting our weak hands, they have no effect on our value in the kingdom of God and there’s never-ending grace when we fall short.

For instance, let’s take a look at the Proverbs 31 woman. She was a successful career woman, a wonderful caretaker, kept a tidy home and spent all of her time serving others. But if we compare our accomplishments to the ones listed in Proverbs 31, we’re missing the point of this passage. Verse 30 clues us in on the root of all her good works, she was a woman who feared the Lord. This doesn’t mean she was afraid so much as it means she honored God with her every waking moment. 

One Thing

So let’s let go of every cultural standard and instead work towards this one thing: honoring God with all we say and do. And as this becomes the driving force of our lives it will lead us to a life that is not shaped by shallow cultural norms but one that is beautifully blossoming and fruitful.

Shelby Turner