I Can't Be Everyone's Everything

I can’t be everyone’s everything.

This is a phrase I have said many times but I’m not sure if I have ever meant it as much as I did when I said it during our family’s time of “sheltering in place.” I think this phrase could strike a chord, or maybe even a nerve, with moms today. In this time of uncertainty, it's easy for things to feel as if they are falling apart. And when things start to fall apart, it is often up to mom to find a way to put it all back together. We can’t be everyone’s everything, but this isn’t about what we can’t be.

This is about what we can be: we can be someone’s something.

As moms, we have the privilege and, at times, the burden of setting the tone for our children. When the world is chaotic and our children are overwhelmed, we can be the calm they need to reset. When there are ups and downs that fill our days with uncertainty, we can be the reassuring reminder that our faithful God is in control. When emotions run high, and they will, we can be a soft place for them when they come back down.

Even though it’s not everything to everyone, the idea of being something to someone can still leave us with a feeling of pressure and the question of “how?” So, how do we do it? How do we set the tone when we want to have just as big a hissy fit as our children are having? The answer is simple, we don’t - at least not on our own.

God has given us our children to disciple and shepherd in a way that honors Him and points to Him. That is a big job and don’t think for one minute that He gave it to you flippantly or without also giving you the tools you need to do it well.

Here are three things I have found to help me parent in the hard moments:

1. Get into the Word. I know this seems like a gimme, but you’d be surprised how many times I get in a rut where I feel helpless to only realize I hadn’t been in the Word. When I say get in the Word, I mean get in it any way you can. We can’t all have a peaceful hour to ourselves before our family rises to sip coffee and pour over scripture but we can all have our Bibles (or Bible apps) available for the moments we have where we can soak in what He has for us. (Here’s a great devotional too!)

2. Let go of perfect. Please do not be surprised when your plans don’t work out, when your kids act out, or when you can’t do it all. From the moment sin entered into this world the idea that we can be perfected dissipated. We are flesh and we will make mistakes. But by the grace and mercy of God, we have redemption through Jesus Christ. This redemption is to sanctify us into becoming more Christlike not so we can have the picture-perfect life.

3. Focus on what you can control while releasing what you can’t. In this world, we have control over very little. We can control our actions and reaction. We cannot control our children, spouses, coworkers, friends, the weather, etc. When we let go of what we can’t control, which is a beautiful act of humility, we are more able to focus on what we can control. We can be the kind word for others we know needs to be heard, we can respond prayerfully rather than panicked, and we can focus more on how we are modeling Christ rather than how others aren’t.

So, we can’t be everyone’s everything and that’s okay. I would much rather be rooted in God’s Word understanding my role, focusing on what is within my control, and letting go of what is not.