How to Survive (and Thrive!) When Your Family Grows

I have blessedly joined the ranks of mothers before me who have rocked their world – and the worlds of their toddlers – by adding baby #2 to the mix. My two-year-old and my two-month-old are both sleeping (why am I not sleeping?!), so I have time to write to you, my fellow comrades in the trenches of motherhood.

Ok, ok, so maybe the war terminology is a bit much. But, hey, becoming a mother of two littles can sometimes feel like you’re walking through a minefield.

When I was a new momma to my first baby girl, I wrote a blog titled “What Google Can’t Teach New Mommas.” It’s funny how a second child can toss you right back into the unknown. But this time, the questions plaguing your mind aren’t of the physical needs (Is her poop the right color? Am I getting a good latch? Why won’t she sleep???) This time, the questions and thoughts can become, well let’s face it, a little scary.

How will I ever have enough to give – to my girls, to my husband, to myself, to friends and family? To God?

How do I help my toddler understand that I still love her even though I can’t hold her right now?

It’s enough to throw you into the full-on mom-guilt mode.

There’s just no way to prepare yourself for motherhood and what it demands of you – body, mind, emotions, and spirit. Becoming a mother of two requires you to grow into the new role (yes having my second child makes me feel like I’m learning another side of motherhood): to rediscover yourself in your new role and embrace a new family dynamic, to release control, and to learn more about God and cling to His promises.

So, in the face of this wonderful blessing and joy of a second baby and the simultaneous challenge a growing family presents, what can we do? What can we do when, at the end of the day, our minds resemble the mushy play-doh in our hair, our bodies are exhausted, our emotions are running as wild as our energetic toddler, and our spirits are lower than our sagging…um, eyes?

The key is in our expectations.

Let go of the expectation that your house has to be tidy (much less clean!). It won’t.

Let go of the expectation that you need to “have it all together”. You won’t.

Let go of the expectation that you have to be everything for everybody. You can’t.

I know what you’re thinking… “If I don’t worry about all those things, who will?” The flaw I’ve discovered in my own mothering philosophy is that I believe I have to hold everything together, that I must be in control and have it all together every second of the day. But the truth is when I try to control everything and everyone around me (pause for laughter at trying to control a toddler+newborn combo) in an attempt to “have it all together,” I end up disappointed and angry because it’s just not possible.

Listen to me. Let go.

God is just waiting for us to realize that He is already holding all things together. What does the Bible tell us we can expect of our Heavenly Father every day, including every second of mothering our littles? Hebrews 1:3 tells us that Jesus holds the whole universe together by the power of His Word, so why do I think that He needs my help holding me and my family life together? He just needs my cooperation. Philippians 4:13 tells me that I can do all things by HIS strength, so why do I look to myself to meet my needs and the needs of my family when that’s not my job? After all, we are the vessels. God is the source.

Daily, we must dig deep into God’s character and His promises by spending time with Him. Then, we adjust our expectations for the day, making sure that everything we do isn’t to cling to our idea of control but to give glory to God through our actions, words, and thoughts.

So let go. Breathe deeply. Smile. Because we don’t have to have it all together anymore.

Letting go,

Kelley Thigpen