I can’t remember the beginning of the story because I don’t ever recall the day I choose to stop parenting intentionally. 

What exactly triggered that moment? 

When did I just let things go? 

Some how, some way, one whiny moment led to another. Discussions and negotiations became the norm instead of joyful obedience. Yes "mom" were empty words, as they never really responded to what I requested of them . . . especially cleaning their rooms. 

Was it all because I didn’t follow through? 

Was I too distracted? Maybe too worn down?

 

Some days I find my mind distracted. I fall into a trance of dreaming what my life is not, but what I want it to be. It sounds awful but sometimes I dream my children are different. I dream of life being easier. I dream of solitude. Nothing extravagant, just a bathroom break by myself. I dream of being more like the lady down the street, or more like the family I see at church. I dream about a different life.